Introduction: The Power of “Not Yet”
Melina Palmer: Welcome to episode 523 of the Brainy Business Understanding the Psychology of Why People Buy.
In today’s episode, we’re talking about two little words that can help you finally make progress on the things that matter most. Ready? Let’s get started.
Unidentified Announcer: You are listening to the Brainy Business podcast, where we dig into the psychology of why people buy and help you incorporate behavioral economics into your business, making it more brain friendly. Now, here’s your host, Melina Palmer.
Melina Palmer’s Entrepreneurial Journey and the “Not Yet” Mindset
Melina Palmer: Hello. Hello, everyone. My name is Melina Palmer, and I want to welcome you to the Brainy Business Podcast. When I started this business, I had big dreams, books, podcasts, consulting, stages, TEDx, YouTube, all of it. And like most entrepreneurs, I wanted to do everything right away. But I quickly learned that doing everything at once is a recipe for getting nowhere. So I embraced a mindset that changed everything: Not yet. Not never, just not right now. That intentional focus helped me write and publish three books in three years. It’s how this podcast has reached more than one and a half million downloads across 170 countries. It’s how I’ve spoken on global stages and built a business I love. But none of it happened all at once. People often ask me how I get so much done. I think the better question is, what? What didn’t I do? What did I say not yet to so I could say yes to what mattered Most? For years, TEDx was one of those not yets. Yeah, I had applied and pitched and waited on a few over the years, but didn’t really focus on it until finally last year, after my third book was done and out in the world, I found the message that needed to be shared. Thankfully, TEDx Portland felt the same way. And today I’m thrilled to share that talk with you here on, on the podcast. It’s called There’s Nothing Magical About Monday. And it’s all about why our brains trick us into waiting to start the things we care about most, and how to stop waiting. As always, links to past episodes, books, and resources are in the show notes. You’ll find those within the app you’re listening to, or at thebrainybusiness.com/523 and without further ado, here is my TEDx Portland talk.
There’s Nothing Magical About Monday: Understanding Procrastination
Melina Palmer: Monday is a funny concept on the One hand. Hello, TEDx Portland. Thank you. Who is feeling inspired, awesome. And who is ready to do all the work it’s going to take to implement what you’ve been learning about today? Come on now. Or are you thinking like, Monday? You know, Monday is a funny concept on the One hand, it feels like this magical place full of possibility. In my mind, Monday Melina is inspired, productive, and never distracted. On the other hand, it’s Monday. Somehow, no matter how inspired I was over the weekend, I fall right back into the same old grind. Emails, meetings, slack chats. Before I know it, Monday has slipped away. One moment at a time. I tell myself that tomorrow will be better, but we all know how that goes. The worst part is in an Instagrammable world of others’ accomplishments, each time I don’t crush my to-do list, I find myself in a shame cycle of comparison. The lurking thoughts of what’s wrong with me and why am I not as dedicated as everyone else can creep in. If you’ve ever felt this way, I want you to know you’re not alone in reality. All our brains are wired to keep us in this cycle. And when you understand what’s going on, it can change everything. Let’s showcase this with a little story. This is Jen. She dreams of being an author and she can see exactly what her life will be like. Adoring fans, international book signings, maybe even someone calling for movie rights. A co-worker just asked about her weekend plans and she proudly stated that she would be working on her book. Wow. They said, what’s it about? Lucky for me, that’s tomorrow’s problem, she joked. So why do we do that? Why does it feel like it will be easier at some point, some point in the future? In behavioral science, this is known as time discounting, but I call it the I’ll start Monday effect. Research shows when we think about ourselves in the future, the brain lights up like we’re thinking about someone else. When you put something off, even for five minutes, it feels like it will be easier then because your brain is committing someone else to do it. So that’s problem number one.
The Brain’s Tricks: Optimism Bias, Planning Fallacy, and Bike Shedding
Melina Palmer: Back to Jen. She is explaining how excited she is for her upcoming writing day and how productive she’s going to be. And that even though she struggled with days like this in the past, she knows that this time it will be different. She expects to have a full outline and drafts of at least three. Three chapters by the end of the day. Yeah, yeah. Oh right. We know how this story goes. So Jen has added two related brain tricks to her time discounting problem. First is optimism bias. So our brains are wired to think that we are better and faster than everyone else, including our previous self. So when Jen is thinking that she’s going to be more productive, she’s going to get more and less time, have more willpower, than every other time. That is optimism bias at play. Next, we have planning fallacy. This makes it so that we don’t set aside time, we don’t think it’s important. All those external one-offs, that we think are one-offs, but they always come up in emails, phone calls, the need to eat food, even being distracted by Instagram. And yes, that should be built into your plan.
Now, Jen’s writing day is here, and even though she had planned to start with the outline, she spent the first couple hours creating her ideal writing space. And then she spent an hour coming, up with the perfect name for her, her main character. And she is currently sketching out ideas for the COVID Oh, Jen. Yeah. The productive procrastination she is experiencing now is known as bike shedding. Your brain is great at coming up with distraction and making anything feel like the best use of your time in the moment. Personally, I never feel more compelled to clean my kitchen or do the laundry than when I am up against an important deadline. Any distraction, even other goals, can be a bike shed. Now why would your brain want to do this? I mean, doesn’t your brain want you to achieve these dreams and live your best life? Not really, and here’s why. So research shows that we humans make up to 35,000 decisions every single day. You don’t remember most of them because they were done subconsciously using habits and predictability. Your subconscious loves the status quo and is wired to keep you in it when it can. You’ve probably heard of dopamine, a happy brain chemical tied with anticipation and rewards. Your brain likes dopamine and reliable ways of getting it. So sure, if you ever get close to completing a goal, your brain will get some dopamine and you also get some at the start. So when Jen is thinking and talking about her future life, her brain is getting some dopamine even when she’s not doing anything to move herself closer to making that dream a reality. And this is where people get stuck. If your goals are too vague or too far out or you have too many competing priorities, you can waste ages bike shedding on all the some days and could be’s. Because with 10 big goals and 87 things on your to-do list, it is way too easy to just snack on all those little dopamine hits as your brain starts each new thing and never really do anything. And that’s why it is critical to do one thing at a time. Know what matters most and why. It’s your number one priority so you can prepare for those bike sheds and not need to be so optimistic in your planning. Of course, your one thing doesn’t have to be the same as Jen’s. If you want to improve your health or learn a musical instrument, start a side business, be more impactful in your community or truly anything else. Remember that your brain loves the status quo and is wired to keep you in it when it can. It will always feel like it will be easier tomorrow because of time discounting. You’ll feel like you’ll be better at whatever it is then because of optimism bias. Even though planning fallacy will make you think, you don’t have to set aside time for those external one-offs. You should. And bike shedding means that you will definitely get distracted as your brain looks for opportunities to productively procrastinate.
Three Steps to Overcome Procrastination and Get Things Done
Melina Palmer: So now that I’ve shared the four biases and tricks of your brain that are keeping you stuck in the status quo, I want to share with you the three steps that you can implement to get more of the right things done. So once you’ve chosen your first, your one thing, the first step for you to do is to break it into its smallest components. Thousands of daily decisions means you need to think micro in your tasks. This will allow you to have one small thing you do each day. One little thing that’s going to build upon itself again and again and again. Dopamine starts to work with you instead of against you as you move toward that one goal, even if you still have a life and a job and a family. And that brings us to step two, which is to list all your possible distractions. And no need to self-edit here. List them all, big and small. And once you have that list, break it into categories so you can plan for how to tackle each one. And the great news is, every category and distraction can be fought with a version of these two powerful words. Not yet. Not no. Not yet. Yeah, small things like I’m hungry or a buzz of your phone. The planning fallacy level of distraction can be bundled in as rewards throughout the day. Not yet. My snacks at 10:15 or not yet. Once I finish this page, I get five minutes of Instagram time. Other thoughts like, I’m gonna need an audience to buy my book someday. I need to make it a bestseller. I should research what other authors are doing on Instagram. So those thoughts are gonna come up and it might matter someday, but not yet. You don’t need to know the exact distraction that’s going to pop up, but you can plan for how they’re most likely to arrive and prepare by creating, say, a not yet folder in your email and another one for random thoughts or articles. Make not yet your mantra. It will change your life.
The Importance of an Accountability Buddy
Melina Palmer: Our final step to getting more of the right things done is to get an Accountability Buddy. The brain tricks I’ve shared today make it clear why you shouldn’t plan to hold yourself accountable. Committing to someone else is not the same as having to commit to yourself, especially when you’re having to report back on your progress. In fact, research shows that when you do have regular check-ins with someone, the likelihood that you will achieve your goal increases to as much as 95%. So your ideal accountability buddy is someone who will be with you for the long haul. Maybe they’re working on a similar goal. Maybe they’re just not afraid to ask, is this a bike shed? Or nudge you with a thoughtful not yet. Sometimes they just need to remind you why you picked this big goal in the first place to help keep you inspired and on track. And I have great news. You all have the perfect opportunity to overcome time. Discounting here today. This talk started with, a raise of hands and cheers for all of you who were inspired to do something. So may I remind you, you are in a room filled with more than 3,000 potential accountability buddies. Instead of waiting to take action, I encourage each of you before you leave today, find a buddy, exchange contact information and schedule a check-in, ideally within the next 72 hours. And now this part’s key. You want to share the one small thing you will have done that’ll be completed that you will report back on in that meeting. If you already know your one thing, this will be the first step on your path. If you aren’t quite sure what it is yet, it might just be to have it by then. Be thoughtful as you choose your one thing so you can love and stick with it for the long haul and defend it again and again and again with the power of not yet. You will be shocked at how quickly you can get more of the right things done and move on to your next big goal. When you unlock the power of micro moments to accomplish one thing at a time. Thank you.
Conclusion: Embracing the “Not Yet” Mindset
Melina Palmer: So what got your brain buzzing as you learned about the power of not yet today? For me, I always come back to this. Focus is power. And defending that focus, especially from our own brains, is the real work. Because the brain loves a delay. It wants to wait to believe things will magically be easier next week, next month, next Monday. But as you now know, there’s nothing magical about Monday. The magic is in the micro steps in choosing your one thing in saying not yet to everything else. It’s not just the message of my TEDx talk. It is the mindset behind everything I’ve built. Every yes you see came from dozens, if not hundreds, of intentional not yets. And now I’m finally saying yes to something I’ve put off for many years. YouTube on, the seven-year anniversary of this podcast, I launched a new channel. It’s the start of something really fun, short, smart, story driven videos about business, pop culture, behavioral science and the surprising ways our brains nudge us every day. It’s thoughtful, approachable and deeply brainy. Just like this podcast in a new format. I’m going to be sharing more about the channel in a future episode, but in the meantime, come join us. Subscribe to brainymelina. That’s B R A I N Y M E L I N A on YouTube and be part of this next chapter. But don’t worry, the Brainy Business Podcast isn’t going anywhere. Thank you for listening, for learning, for growing with me. Whether you’ve been here from episode one or found this show today for the first time, I’m so grateful for you. The Brainy Business is what it is because of this community. All the links, including my TEDx talk books, social handles and that shiny new YouTube channel are waiting for you in the show notes within the app you’re listening to or at thebrainybusiness.com/523. And thank you again for joining me on the show today. It was an honor to share this talk and moment with you. Join me next time for another brainy episode of the Brainy Business Podcast. It’s going to be a lot of fun. You don’t want to miss it. Until then, thanks again for listening and learning with me. And remember to be thoughtful.
Unidentified Announcer: Thank you for listening to the Brainy Business Podcast. Melina offers virtual strategy sessions, workshops and other services to help businesses be more brain friendly. For more free resources, visit thebrainybusiness.com.
